Pain. It is all that I feel. And it is all that I am.
It's always been the same. I wake up. I get out of bed. I go to school. I come home from school. I go to my room. I repeat for the next day.
What a tediously purposeless life I lead.
Most days I ask myself why I even bother to get out of bed in the morning. I mean, it's not as if tomorrow's going to be any different than today.
I don't even know what's pushing me to write this. Maybe I just want people to know how bad it is to be me.
Do you know what it's like? To see everyone, so happy, chatting with their friends, thinking about their plans, and then there's you: the loner. Nobody to talk to, nothing to say.
It's such a simple life I lead. And yet, it's so painful.
I can't think of a bigger waste of human life than myself. Honestly, even bad people at least do SOMETHING with their lives.
I just can't ever find the motivation to do anything. It's like I'm trapped in this pit with no hope of ever climbing out.
I hate you. I hate myself. I hate everything and everyone I see. I just want it all to go away.
I've been on anti-depressant meds my whole life. It doesn't make a difference if I take them or not, because nobody cares about me anyways.
Nobody cares about me. Nobody will miss me when I'm gone.
It's funny, I tried counting the number of people who would even know my last name. I came up with a grand total of 2. And neither of them care about me either.
Of course I've attempted suicide; with a life like mine, who wouldn't? I've tried all sorts of things: knives, pills, trains. And I can't even work up the effort to end it all.
What a pathetic human being I am.
I wish it could all change. I wish one person genuinely cared. But I search and I find no one.
What kind of God would care about me? How can there be a God, with all the suffering I've had to deal with?
I'm not worthy of Heaven anyways. Hell, I deserve worse than Hell.
Well, I got the noose ready, I'll see if I can do it this time.
I still can't do it. I hate myself.
The counsellor keeps trying to talk to me. I wish he could just leave me alone.
There must be something better than this. There must be more to life than sadness.
My emotions keep swirling throgh my head. I feel so lost and alone. All I can do lately is lie in bed and cry.
I haven't gone outside in 5 days. I look disgusting. I doubt my own mother would recognize me like this.
Once upon a time, I had a friend. We used to be inseperable. Now I barely remember what he looked like. I bet he wouldn't recognize me either.
A long time ago, sunlight brought me warmth and joy. Now it's just a monument to what I used to have.
I wish things could go back to they were when I was a little boy. That seems like so long ago. I barely remember the joys I used to feel.
You were the one I needed. And you left me. Like I always knew you would.
I can barely go on. There's just nothing left for me. Tonight, I do it. For real this time.
PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS AN ASSIGNMENT FOR A GRADE 12 ENGLISH CLASS. ALL OF THE ABOVE SENTENCES ARE ENTIRELY FICTITIOUS.
Hello, I know you're feeling down right now, but don't give up or do anything drastic. I know things seem hopeless for you now, but life does get better, I promise you that. Maybe you're sad because you're lonely. Maybe it's because you need a fresh start. But for now, just know that someone out there actually cares about you. If you ever need to talk, send me an e-mail at studentsmentalhealthawareness@gmail.com. Remember that you're not alone.
ReplyDeleteLook, I get that you're upset. I have problems of my own, and honestly some days I had thoughts a lot like yours. It's not easy to live like this, but you have to hold on. Seriously, you have so much more of your life ahead of you than just school. There are better places out there, and there are certainly good people out there, people that care. Talk to them. This SMHA thing, they seem alright. There's also Kid's Help Phone that you can always call (1-800-668-6868). Please, just hold on, and whatever you do, do NOT kill yourself.
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